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The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex

The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex

An Indispensable Resource to Pleasure and Seduction
by Barbara Keesling 2001 260 pages
3.53
100+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Embrace Your Inner Bad Girl: Shed Shame and Love Your Sexuality

Bad Girls have no shame.

Reclaiming Your Sexuality. Many women are raised to suppress their sexual impulses, leading to shame and discomfort. The first step to becoming a "Bad Girl" is to reject these societal constraints and embrace your sexuality without apology. This involves acknowledging your desires, needs, and fantasies, and refusing to feel guilty or embarrassed about them.

Challenging Internalized Messages. Identify the moments in your life when your sexuality was dismissed or shamed. These experiences often create lasting negative associations with sex. Actively rewrite these self-defeating programs by celebrating your sexual impulses and recognizing that a healthy sexual appetite is natural and beautiful.

Redefining "Bad." The term "Bad Girl" is often associated with negative stereotypes, such as promiscuity or recklessness. It's crucial to redefine "bad" as being sexually confident, uninhibited, and assertive, while still maintaining respect for yourself and others. This involves loving sex, feeling sexual hunger, and knowing how to feed it.

2. Sex on the Brain: Prioritize and Embrace Sexual Thoughts

Bad Girls never stop thinking about sex.

Integrating Sexuality into Daily Life. Many women compartmentalize sex, relegating it to specific times and places. Bad Girls, on the other hand, allow sexual thoughts to permeate their daily lives, enhancing everything from work to social interactions. This doesn't mean acting on every impulse, but rather embracing sexuality as a constant source of energy and inspiration.

Sexual Types and Thought Patterns. Women fall into different sexual categories, each with unique ways of thinking about sex:

  • Bad Girl: Comfortable and accepting of her sexuality
  • Librarian: Actively avoids sexual thoughts
  • Closet Cleopatra: Desires sex in fantasy but not in reality
  • Ms. Christmas Tree: Overcompensates with outward sexiness but lacks inner connection

Cultivating Sexual Thought. Regardless of your sexual type, the key to becoming a Bad Girl is to prioritize sexual thought. This can be achieved through various means, such as:

  • Finding a sexual totem: An object that embodies your sexuality
  • Practicing Kegel exercises: Strengthening the PC muscle and increasing sexual awareness
  • Challenging negative self-talk: Replacing judgmental thoughts with positive affirmations

3. Dress the Part: Clothing as a Tool for Sexual Expression

A real Bad Girl always wears underwear that makes her think about sex.

Wardrobe as a Message. Clothing sends powerful messages about your sexual intentions. Many women fall into a "wardrobe timewarp," dressing in ways that no longer reflect their current sexuality. It's crucial to consciously choose clothes that make you feel sexy, powerful, and confident.

Underwear as a Foundation. Lingerie is the foundation of a Bad Girl's wardrobe. It's not about wearing something for someone else, but rather choosing underwear that makes you feel desirable and in touch with your sexuality. This involves tossing out old, worn-out items and replacing them with lingerie that excites you.

Closet Makeover. Evaluate every item in your closet and ask yourself: Does this make me feel sexy? Have I worn it in the past year? Is it in good repair? Get rid of anything that doesn't meet these criteria. Then, use visualization to imagine your ideal Bad Girl wardrobe and gradually start incorporating new pieces that align with that vision.

4. Walk the Walk: Body Language and Sexual Alignment

What do people see when they watch you approaching?

Beyond Appearance. It's not enough to look the part; you must also embody the attitude and confidence of a Bad Girl. This involves paying attention to your body language, posture, and gait. Do you walk in a way that commands attention, or do you fade into the background?

Identifying Your Walk. Videotape yourself walking and analyze your movements. Do you lead with your head, shoulders, or hips? Are your arms stiff or relaxed? Do you rush or saunter? Each style of walking sends a different message.

The Pelvic Connection. Bad Girls lead with their pelvis, which creates a sensual and confident gait. This involves isolating and strengthening the pelvic muscles through exercises like pelvic rocks and rolls. It also requires walking at the "speed of sex," which is neither too fast nor too slow, but rather a deliberate and purposeful pace.

5. Talk Sexy: Vocal Power and Erotic Communication

Bad Girls know how to talk sexy, In and Out of Bed.

The Power of Voice. A sexy voice is a crucial component of a Bad Girl's persona. This involves developing breath control, modulating your tone, and choosing words that are both evocative and authentic.

Conscious Breathing. Practice deep, diaphragmatic breathing to relax your vocal cords and create a more resonant and sensual tone. This also helps to calm nerves and increase confidence.

Verbal Control. Pay attention to the words you use and eliminate filler words like "um" and "like." Choose language that is clear, confident, and expressive. Also, practice active listening and show genuine interest in what others have to say.

Erotic Communication. Develop a vocabulary of sexy words and phrases that you feel comfortable using in and out of bed. This involves identifying your desires, fantasies, and boundaries, and expressing them assertively and confidently.

6. Know Your Body: Exploration and Acceptance of Your Physical Self

A Good Girl is, plain and simple, a cheated woman.

Intimate Knowledge. A Bad Girl is intimately familiar with her own body, including her erogenous zones, physical responses, and preferences. This involves exploring your body through touch, visualization, and experimentation.

Sensate Focus Touch. Practice sensate focus touch to heighten your awareness of your body's responses to different types of stimulation. This involves gently stroking your skin and paying attention to the sensations without trying to achieve orgasm.

Vaginal Exploration. Get comfortable with your vagina by examining it in a mirror and learning the names of all its parts. This helps to break down any shame or discomfort you may have about your genitals.

G-Spot Discovery. Explore your vagina to locate your G-spot, a highly sensitive area on the anterior vaginal wall. Experiment with different types of stimulation to see what feels best.

7. Touch and Tease: The Art of Seduction and Prolonged Desire

When you're in the mood to be Bad, you need to look the part—you need to look as bad as you feel.

Seduction as a Skill. Seduction is not just a man's job; it's a skill that women can and should cultivate. This involves creating a context for sexual thought and desire, and then skillfully teasing and tantalizing your partner.

Enticing Self-Touch. Use self-touch to draw attention to your erogenous zones and plant the seed of desire in your partner's mind. This involves gently stroking your neck, collarbone, or lips while making eye contact.

Channel Switching. Direct your partner's attention to different parts of your body by switching your focus from your eyes to your mouth to your breasts. This creates a sense of anticipation and keeps him engaged.

The Three-Second Touch. Use brief, intentional touches to create a sense of intimacy and connection. This involves gently touching his arm or hand for no more than three seconds.

8. Love to Climax: Achieving and Enhancing Orgasmic Pleasure

A grown woman stuck in her “Good Girl” is not a laughing matter.

Orgasms as a Right. Every woman deserves to experience powerful and fulfilling orgasms. This involves rejecting the notion that orgasms are optional or secondary to male pleasure.

Peaking and Plateauing. Practice peaking and plateauing to gain greater control over your sexual response. This involves building arousal to a certain level, then pausing to prolong the experience.

Breath Control. Use your breath to enhance your orgasms. This involves panting, moaning, and vocalizing during climax.

PC Muscle Power. Strengthen your PC muscle through Kegel exercises to intensify your orgasms. This involves squeezing and releasing the muscle during climax.

9. Play with Toys: Incorporating Sex Toys for Enhanced Pleasure

The Bad Girl’s best friend is a muscle; or more accurately, a group of muscles.

Toys as Tools. Sex toys are not just for solo play; they can also enhance partnered sex. This involves exploring different types of toys and finding ones that you and your partner enjoy.

Household Treasures. Look around your house for everyday items that can be used as sex toys. This might include a feather duster, a rolling pin, or even food items like whipped cream or chocolate sauce.

Toy Store Adventures. Visit an adult toy store and explore the wide range of options available. This might include vibrators, dildos, Ben Wa balls, or bondage gear.

Safe and Consensual Play. Always prioritize safety and consent when playing with sex toys. This involves communicating your boundaries and desires clearly with your partner.

10. Break All the Rules: Embrace Freedom and Individuality in Sex

Being bad means having it good.

Rejecting Limitations. The ultimate goal of becoming a Bad Girl is to break free from all limitations and embrace your individuality in sex. This involves rejecting societal expectations, challenging your own inhibitions, and exploring your unique desires.

Experimentation and Exploration. Don't be afraid to experiment with different types of sex, different partners, and different activities. The key is to find what brings you the most pleasure and fulfillment.

Self-Acceptance and Self-Love. The foundation of a Bad Girl's sexuality is self-acceptance and self-love. This involves embracing your body, your desires, and your unique sexual identity.

Continuous Evolution. Becoming a Bad Girl is not a destination, but rather a journey of continuous growth and self-discovery. This involves staying open to new experiences, challenging your assumptions, and always prioritizing your own pleasure and fulfillment.

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.53 out of 5
Average of 100+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex receives mixed reviews. Many readers find it helpful for boosting confidence, self-acceptance, and sexual exploration. The book offers exercises and advice on embracing sexuality, improving self-esteem, and enhancing intimate relationships. Some praise its positive approach to female sexuality and practical tips. However, others find it outdated, juvenile, or unhelpful. Critics argue that some advice is unrealistic or too basic. Overall, it seems most beneficial for women seeking to overcome sexual inhibitions or boost confidence, but may be less useful for those already comfortable with their sexuality.

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About the Author

Barbara Keesling is a psychologist and sexual health doctor who authored "The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex." Her work focuses on helping women overcome sexual inhibitions and embrace their sexuality. Keesling emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance, confidence, and positive attitudes towards sex. She advocates for women to explore and enjoy their sexual desires without shame. Her approach combines psychological insights with practical exercises to help readers improve their sexual confidence and experiences. Keesling's background in psychology and sexual health informs her writing, providing a professional perspective on intimate topics. Her work aims to empower women to take control of their sexual lives and find greater satisfaction in their relationships.

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