The Love Prescription

1. Small, consistent actions build strong relationships

Small things often

Turn toward your partner. The foundation of a strong relationship is built on small, consistent actions rather than grand gestures. Couples who succeed long-term are those who regularly "turn toward" each other's bids for connection, even in seemingly insignificant moments. This could be as simple as responding to a smile, asking about their day, or offering a supportive touch.

Emotional bank account. Think of these small positive interactions as deposits in your relationship's emotional bank account. Research shows that couples need a ratio of at least 5 positive interactions to 1 negative during conflict, and 20 to 1 in everyday life, to maintain a healthy relationship. By consistently choosing to engage positively with your partner, you build a buffer against inevitable conflicts and strengthen your overall connection.

Examples of turning toward:

• Making eye contact when your partner speaks
• Responding with interest to their comments
• Offering physical affection
• Prioritizing their needs, even briefly
• Sharing in their joys and concerns

2. Curiosity and open-ended questions deepen intimacy

You'll be surprised at where some of these questions will take you.

Keep exploring. Maintaining curiosity about your partner is crucial for long-term relationship success. People change over time, and assuming you know everything about your partner can lead to stagnation. Regular, open-ended questions help you continually update your "love maps" – your knowledge of your partner's inner world.

Ask big questions. Make it a habit to ask thoughtful, open-ended questions that encourage deeper sharing. These could range from lighthearted ("If you could have any superpower, what would it be?") to more profound ("What are some of your unfulfilled dreams?"). The key is to listen without judgment and follow up with genuine interest. This practice not only helps you understand your partner better but also makes them feel valued and heard.

Examples of open-ended questions:

• "What's been on your mind lately?"
• "How have you changed in the past year?"
• "What are you looking forward to?"
• "If you could relive one day of your life, which would it be?"
• "What's a challenge you're facing that I might not know about?"

3. Gratitude and appreciation foster positive connections

When you started looking for what he was doing right, it was just everywhere.

Retrain your brain. Our brains are wired to notice problems, but constantly focusing on negatives can erode relationships. Actively practicing gratitude and appreciation can rewire your neural pathways, leading to a more positive perspective on your partner and relationship. This isn't about ignoring issues, but about balancing them with recognition of the good.

Express appreciation daily. Make it a habit to notice and verbalize your appreciation for your partner's actions, qualities, and efforts – both big and small. This practice not only makes your partner feel valued but also trains you to see more positives in your relationship. Even in difficult times, finding something to appreciate can shift the dynamic and create a more supportive atmosphere.

Ways to cultivate appreciation:

• Keep a daily gratitude journal about your partner
• Share one thing you appreciate about your partner each day
• Notice and thank them for small, everyday actions
• Reflect on why you fell in love with them
• Practice seeing situations from their perspective

4. Genuine compliments strengthen emotional bonds

Admiring and appreciating your partner isn't just about seeing the good stuff.

Beyond surface praise. Genuine compliments go deeper than superficial flattery. They involve recognizing and expressing admiration for your partner's core qualities, values, and efforts. This practice not only makes your partner feel valued but also helps you maintain a positive perspective on your relationship.

Compassionate understanding. True admiration also includes having compassion for your partner's vulnerabilities and challenges. Recognizing the courage it takes for them to overcome difficulties can deepen your respect and emotional connection. Regular expression of these genuine compliments and understanding creates a culture of appreciation in your relationship, acting as a buffer against negativity and conflict.

Elements of meaningful compliments:

• Specific observations of character traits
• Recognition of efforts, not just results
• Appreciation of growth and change
• Acknowledgment of how their qualities impact you
• Expression of gratitude for who they are, not just what they do

5. Clearly express needs to avoid misunderstandings

Your partner isn't a mind reader.

Direct communication. Many relationship conflicts stem from unexpressed or poorly communicated needs. It's crucial to articulate your needs clearly and directly, without criticism or blame. Remember, your partner can't fulfill needs they don't know about, and hints or passive-aggressive comments are often misunderstood or ignored.

Positive framing. When expressing needs, focus on what you want rather than what your partner is doing wrong. Use "I" statements to describe your feelings and desires, and be specific about what would make you feel better. This approach is more likely to elicit a positive response and avoid defensiveness. Practice asking for what you need in a way that gives your partner an opportunity to shine for you.

Formula for expressing needs:

1. Describe yourself (not your partner)
2. Explain the situation (not your partner's flaws)
3. State your positive need (what your partner can do)

Example: "I'm feeling overwhelmed [your feeling] with all the household chores [the situation]. Could you take over the dishes this week? [your positive need]"

6. Physical touch is essential for relationship health

Touch is like oxygen . . .

Biological necessity. Physical touch is not just a pleasant addition to a relationship; it's a biological necessity. Touch releases oxytocin, often called the "trust molecule" or "bonding hormone," which reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, and increases feelings of connection. Regular, affectionate touch is crucial for maintaining both emotional and physical health in a relationship.

Non-sexual intimacy. While sexual intimacy is important, non-sexual touch is equally vital for relationship health. Simple acts like holding hands, hugging, or cuddling can significantly boost feelings of closeness and satisfaction. Make a conscious effort to incorporate more physical affection into your daily routine, even if it's just brief moments of connection.

Benefits of regular physical touch:

• Reduces stress and anxiety
• Boosts immune system
• Increases feelings of trust and security
• Improves emotional regulation
• Enhances overall relationship satisfaction

Ideas for increasing physical affection:

• 20-second hugs (releases oxytocin)
• 6-second kisses
• Hand-holding during walks or while watching TV
• Shoulder rubs or foot massages
• Cuddling before sleep or upon waking

7. Regular date nights maintain connection and intimacy

This is a requirement.

Protected time. Regular, uninterrupted time together is crucial for maintaining connection and intimacy in long-term relationships. Date nights should be treated as a non-negotiable part of your relationship maintenance, not a luxury or afterthought. This dedicated time allows you to focus on each other without the distractions of daily life, work, or children.

Reimagine "dates". Date nights don't have to be elaborate or expensive. The key is to create space for meaningful conversation, shared experiences, and physical closeness. Be creative in finding ways to connect, even if you can't leave the house. The goal is to break out of your routine and create opportunities for fun, adventure, and deepening your understanding of each other.

Date night ground rules:

• No screens or distractions
• Both partners should be on board with the plan
• Don't assume it will end in sex (removes pressure)
• Keep it simple – focus on conversation and connection

Creative date night ideas:

• Backyard picnic or stargazing
• Home spa night with massages
• Board game or puzzle night
• Take a virtual tour of a museum together
• Cook a new recipe together
• Have a dance party in your living room

Last updated: December 7, 2024