The Way of the Wild Heart

1. The masculine journey is a process of initiation into true manhood

Masculine initiation is a journey, a process, a quest really, a story that unfolds over time.

Stages of masculinity. The masculine journey unfolds through six key stages:

• Beloved Son (boyhood)
• Cowboy/Ranger (adolescence)
• Warrior (late teens/twenties)
• Lover (twenties/thirties)
• King (forties/fifties)
• Sage (sixties and beyond)

Each stage builds on the previous ones, developing different aspects of masculinity. A man must progress through all stages to reach full maturity. However, many men get stuck in earlier stages or skip important developmental experiences, leading to an incomplete masculinity.

Initiation is crucial. Boys and men need active intervention and guidance from older men to successfully navigate each stage. Without intentional initiation, men often remain immature or wounded. Society's abandonment of masculine initiation rituals has left many men feeling lost and uncertain about their identity as men.

2. Every man must experience the stage of the Beloved Son

There is a deeper and prior need, one that comes first—in this stage—and one that must be met first, or the boy cannot move with confidence into any of the other stages.

Unconditional love and affirmation. The Beloved Son stage, typically occurring in boyhood, is foundational for healthy masculine development. A boy needs to experience being delighted in, cherished, and affirmed by his father or father figures. This creates a core sense of belovedness and security.

Exploration in safety. Key experiences in this stage include:

• Having a safe world to explore and take risks
• Receiving affection and physical affirmation
• Being allowed freedom to be a boy (play, adventure, etc.)
• Having his heart and emotions validated

Without this stage, a man will struggle with insecurity and seeking validation throughout his life. Wounds here often lead to passivity or aggression in manhood. Even adult men may need to revisit and heal this stage.

3. The Cowboy/Ranger stage develops adventure and hard work

To cultivate this in a young man (and in ourselves as older men), it might help to think along three lines: Bravery, Conviction, and an Epic Story.

Embracing challenge. The Cowboy/Ranger stage typically occurs in adolescence, developing:

• A appetite for adventure and exploration
• Willingness to take risks and face fears
• Ability to work hard and persevere
• Skills and competence in various areas

Building confidence. Key experiences include:

• Outdoor adventures and physical challenges
• Learning practical skills (e.g. how to use tools)
• Taking on responsibilities and completing difficult tasks
• Having older men recognize and affirm competence

This stage answers the key question "Do I have what it takes?" Skipping or stunting this stage often leaves men passive and insecure in their abilities.

4. The Warrior stage cultivates courage and conviction

To overcome passivity, God has set his warrior heart in every man.

Developing strength. The Warrior stage, usually in a man's late teens and twenties, cultivates:

• Courage to face difficult challenges
• Conviction to stand for one's beliefs
• Discipline and focus
• Ability to fight for worthy causes

Key experiences. Important aspects include:

• Facing fears and overcoming obstacles
• Standing up against injustice or evil
• Developing mental and physical toughness
• Learning to use aggression appropriately

Many men get stuck here, making life all about the battle. The challenge is to become a noble warrior who fights for the right reasons, not an angry or passive man.

5. The Lover stage awakens the heart to beauty and romance

A Lover has been awakened by the Great Romancer.

Heart awakening. The Lover stage typically emerges in a man's twenties or thirties, involving:

• Appreciation for beauty in nature, art, music, etc.
• Romantic love and pursuit of a woman
• Emotional depth and vulnerability
• Creativity and passion

God as the Great Romancer. Key aspects include:

• Experiencing God's love and beauty personally
• Learning to cherish and romance a woman
• Cultivating creativity and artistic expression
• Developing emotional intelligence and empathy

Many men skip this stage, remaining emotionally stunted or seeing women as objects to be used rather than cherished. Healing here often requires revisiting childhood wounds.

6. The King stage requires using power on behalf of others

Simply put, the test is this: what is life like for the people under his authority?

Wielding power well. The King stage typically occurs in a man's forties and fifties, involving:

• Taking on significant leadership responsibilities
• Using resources and influence to benefit others
• Making difficult decisions for the greater good
• Bringing order and blessing to one's "kingdom"

Servant leadership. Key experiences include:

• Sacrificing personal comfort for the sake of others
• Resisting the temptation to use power for selfish gain
• Cultivating wisdom to make good judgments
• Mentoring younger men and "building a legacy"

The great danger here is using power for selfish purposes or abdicating responsibility. A true King must have the heart of a servant.

7. The Sage stage offers wisdom and compassion to guide others

Compassion. That is a beautiful word. As I think on the Sages I have known and loved, I realize, Yes, that's it— that's what seems to undergird the counsel of a sage.

Sharing hard-earned wisdom. The Sage stage typically begins in a man's sixties, involving:

• Offering counsel and guidance to younger generations
• Sharing lessons learned from a lifetime of experience
• Demonstrating patience, humility, and compassion
• Maintaining a vibrant spiritual life

Living legacy. Key aspects include:

• Intentionally mentoring and teaching others
• Offering perspective on life's challenges
• Modeling contentment and purpose in aging
• Leaving a lasting impact through wisdom shared

Many men miss this stage, retiring to a life of leisure rather than investing in others. True Sages continue to grow and contribute until the end of life.

8. God desires to father men through each stage of masculinity

You are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step.

Divine initiation. God wants to actively father men through each stage of masculinity:

• Offering unconditional love as the ultimate Beloved Son
• Calling men to adventure and testing as the Cowboy/Ranger
• Strengthening men for battle as the Warrior
• Awakening men's hearts as the Lover
• Entrusting men with authority as the King
• Imparting wisdom and compassion as the Sage

Recognizing God's fathering. Men must learn to see life's experiences as God's intentional fathering and initiation. This involves:

• Asking God for guidance and insight
• Reflecting on lessons learned through challenges
• Seeking God's affirmation and validation
• Yielding to God's shaping process in each stage

9. Wounds and failures in earlier stages impact a man's development

Whatever has diminished your heart as a King, or toward the King, you must not let it win. It is as a King you were born, and it is as a King you must rise.

Facing the wounds. Common masculine wounds include:

• Beloved Son: Lack of affirmation, abuse, absent father
• Cowboy: Overprotection, lack of adventure, repeated failure
• Warrior: Passivity, uncontrolled anger, lack of good battles
• Lover: Heartbreak, pornography, fear of intimacy
• King: Abuse of power, abdication of responsibility
• Sage: Being dismissed, isolation, bitterness

Healing and restoration. Men must:

• Identify wounds from each stage of masculinity
• Seek healing through counseling, prayer, and mentoring
• Allow God to "re-parent" them through each stage
• Intentionally develop areas of immaturity or weakness

10. Intentional mentoring and initiation are crucial for masculine growth

We need more than a moment, an event. We need a process, a journey, an epic story of many experiences woven together, building upon one another in a progression. We need initiation. And, we need a Guide.

Mentoring matters. Intentional initiation of boys and men requires:

• Older men actively engaging in younger men's lives
• Creating rites of passage and initiation experiences
• Offering affirmation, challenge, and guidance
• Modeling mature masculinity in each stage

Initiation ideas. Potential initiation experiences:

• Beloved Son: Father-son camping trips, affirmation ceremonies
• Cowboy: Wilderness adventures, learning practical skills
• Warrior: Martial arts training, standing up to injustice
• Lover: Art appreciation, pursuing romantic relationships
• King: Leadership responsibilities, mentoring others
• Sage: Sharing life stories, offering wisdom to younger men

11. A man's ultimate purpose is deep friendship with God

To enter into the Romance we must slow down, or we will miss the wooing.

Intimacy with God. A man's highest calling is friendship with God:

• Experiencing God's personal love and affection
• Learning to recognize God's voice and leading
• Cultivating a lifestyle of prayer and worship
• Finding ultimate fulfillment in relationship with God

Practical cultivation. Men can grow in intimacy with God by:

• Setting aside regular time for prayer and reflection
• Practicing awareness of God's presence throughout the day
• Studying Scripture to know God's heart and character
• Sharing openly and honestly with God about all of life

This friendship with God is the foundation for successful progression through all stages of masculinity.

Last updated: October 31, 2024