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What Did You Expect?

What Did You Expect?

Redeeming the Realities of Marriage
作者 Paul David Tripp 2010 287 页数
4.32
4k+ 评分
6 分钟

重点摘要

1. 婚姻是两个有缺陷的人在一个堕落世界中的旅程

你是一个罪人,与你结婚的人也是一个罪人,你们生活在一个堕落的世界中。

现实检查: 婚姻不是童话故事。它是两个不完美的个体共同应对生活挑战的结合。这种现实需要:

  • 接受彼此的缺点
  • 在困难时期保持耐心和理解
  • 致力于个人成长和相互支持

行动中的恩典: 认识到这一点可以让夫妻以谦卑和同情心对待他们的关系。与其期望完美,他们可以:

  • 庆祝进步和小胜利
  • 在失败和挫折中相互支持
  • 一起克服障碍,作为一个团队变得更强大

2. 爱不仅仅是吸引力;它是无私的承诺和行动

爱是为了他人的利益而自愿牺牲,不需要回报或被爱的人是否值得。

重新定义爱: 真正的婚姻之爱超越了感觉和吸引力。它是一种选择,优先考虑配偶的福祉而不是自己的欲望。这包括:

  • 把伴侣的需求放在自己之前
  • 做出牺牲而不期望回报
  • 即使在困难或不值得的时候也表现出爱

实践中的爱: 夫妻可以通过以下方式培养这种爱:

  • 定期为对方做服务性行为
  • 一贯地表达感激和爱意
  • 支持彼此的目标和梦想,即使是以个人代价
  • 在冲突或挑战时期选择去爱

3. 信任是坚强婚姻的基础

信任是如此确信你可以依赖另一个人的正直、力量、品格和忠诚,以至于你愿意将自己置于他的照顾之下。

建立信任: 信任不是自动的;它是通过一致的行动和可靠性建立起来的。关键要素包括:

  • 在生活的各个方面保持诚实和透明
  • 遵守承诺并履行承诺
  • 尊重界限并保持保密性

维持信任: 一旦建立,信任需要持续的培养:

  • 及时且诚实地解决问题
  • 避免秘密或可能引起怀疑的行为
  • 愿意在彼此面前脆弱
  • 在大事小事上都表现出可靠性

4. 有效的沟通对婚姻和谐至关重要

不要让任何腐败的话从你们口中出来,只说那些适合时机、能造就人的话,使听见的人得益处。

沟通技巧: 健康的沟通不仅仅是说话。它需要:

  • 积极倾听,不打断或准备反驳
  • 清晰且尊重地表达思想和感受
  • 开放接受反馈并愿意妥协

实用建议:

  • 定期安排有意义的对话时间
  • 使用“我”陈述来表达感受而不责备
  • 通过尝试理解伴侣的观点来练习同理心
  • 及时解决冲突,专注于解决方案而不是指责

5. 差异可以在恩典中加强婚姻

上帝决定让你留在这个堕落的世界中生活、爱和工作,因为他打算利用你面临的困难来做一些其他方式无法完成的事情。

接受差异: 不要将差异视为障碍,而是将其视为成长和互补的机会。这种心态转变包括:

  • 欣赏配偶的独特品质和优点
  • 从彼此的观点和经验中学习
  • 找到将差异融合成更强整体的方法

实际应用:

  • 识别并庆祝彼此的优点
  • 根据个人技能和偏好分配责任
  • 将冲突视为更好地理解彼此的机会
  • 利用差异来挑战和激励个人成长

6. 宽恕对婚姻中的愈合和成长至关重要

我们将致力于一种定期忏悔和宽恕的生活方式。

宽恕的力量: 宽恕不是一次性的事件,而是一个持续的过程,它:

  • 释放怨恨和苦涩
  • 允许关系的愈合和恢复
  • 创造一个充满恩典和接纳的氛围

行动中的宽恕:

  • 快速且真诚地承认错误
  • 寻求宽恕而不找借口
  • 即使困难也要自由地给予宽恕
  • 一起解决潜在问题,防止未来的冒犯

7. 维持和保护婚姻需要有意的努力

一个充满爱、团结和理解的婚姻不是根植于浪漫,而是根植于崇拜。

积极的态度: 一个繁荣的婚姻不是偶然发生的。它需要:

  • 定期投入时间和精力
  • 致力于共同的目标和价值观
  • 愿意一起克服困难

实际步骤:

  • 定期安排约会之夜和高质量的相处时间
  • 作为夫妻设定和审查关系目标
  • 在面临挑战时寻求帮助(如咨询、导师)
  • 不断学习如何建立坚强的婚姻
  • 保护婚姻免受外部威胁(如不适当的关系、耗时的活动)

8. 上帝的恩典和存在对婚姻成功至关重要

在我们的婚姻中,我们从未不需要救赎、赋能、拯救的恩典。

神圣的帮助: 认识到在婚姻中需要上帝的帮助会导致:

  • 谦卑和依赖更高的力量
  • 获得超越人类能力的智慧和力量
  • 为关系奠定共同的精神基础

实际应用:

  • 定期一起为婚姻和彼此祈祷
  • 学习并应用圣经原则于关系中
  • 在决策和冲突解决中寻求上帝的指导
  • 参与信仰社区以获得支持和责任感
  • 记住在挣扎时上帝的恩典是足够的

最后更新日期:

FAQ

What's What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp about?

  • Focus on Marriage Realities: The book explores the expectations and realities of marriage, highlighting that many couples enter with unrealistic expectations.
  • Gospel-Centered Approach: Tripp uses biblical principles to guide couples through marriage challenges, connecting daily realities to the redeeming grace of Jesus.
  • Practical Commitments: It outlines six commitments for a healthy marriage, including confession, growth, trust, love, grace, and protection.

Why should I read What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp?

  • Transformative Insights: The book offers profound insights into marriage, encouraging self-reflection and growth.
  • Biblical Foundation: Grounded in Scripture, it provides a theological perspective that is practical and relevant.
  • Real-Life Examples: Tripp shares personal stories and counseling experiences, making the content relatable and applicable.

What are the key takeaways of What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp?

  • Unrealistic Expectations: Recognizing and addressing unrealistic expectations is crucial to avoid disappointment and conflict.
  • Commitment to Change: Daily commitments to growth and change are necessary for a thriving marriage.
  • Importance of Confession: Confession and forgiveness are vital for overcoming conflicts and maintaining a healthy relationship.

What are the best quotes from What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp and what do they mean?

  • “You are a sinner married to a sinner.”: Highlights the reality of flaws in both partners, urging grace and understanding.
  • “The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”: Emphasizes selfless love and prioritizing the spouse's needs.
  • “You will never understand your marriages and never be satisfied with them until you understand that marriage is not an end to itself.”: Encourages viewing marriage as a means to grow closer to God and each other.

How does What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp address unrealistic expectations in marriage?

  • Identifying Unrealistic Expectations: Tripp encourages couples to examine and confront misconceptions about marriage.
  • Consequences of Unrealistic Expectations: Unrealistic expectations often lead to disappointment and conflict.
  • Biblical Perspective: Provides a biblical framework to align expectations with God’s design, fostering a realistic view of marriage.

What role does confession play in What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp?

  • Foundation for Growth: Confession is crucial for personal and relational growth, helping overcome conflicts.
  • Promotes Humility: Encourages self-awareness and humility, recognizing faults and seeking forgiveness.
  • Restores Relationships: Essential for clearing the air and maintaining a healthy, loving marriage.

What are the six commitments outlined in What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp?

  • Commitment to Confession and Forgiveness: Regular confession and forgiveness prevent resentment.
  • Commitment to Growth and Change: Daily focus on personal and relational development.
  • Commitment to Building Trust: Establishing trust through honesty, reliability, and vulnerability.

How does What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp define love?

  • Willing Self-Sacrifice: Love is prioritizing the spouse's well-being through self-sacrifice.
  • Unconditional Love: True love is given freely without expecting reciprocation.
  • Not About Deserving: Love should not be contingent on whether the other person has earned it.

What practical steps does Paul David Tripp suggest for building trust in marriage?

  • Play It Straight: Communicate clearly and transparently to foster trust.
  • Be Good for Your Word: Keeping promises, even small ones, builds reliability.
  • Face Up to Your Wrongs: Acknowledge mistakes and seek forgiveness to maintain trust.

How can couples implement the principles from What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp in their daily lives?

  • Daily Reflection: Reflect on actions, words, and attitudes to identify areas for confession or forgiveness.
  • Open Communication: Maintain open lines of communication to address feelings and issues.
  • Intentional Acts of Love: Make intentional choices to love and serve one another through small gestures and quality time.

How does What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp encourage couples to deal with differences?

  • Appreciation for Differences: View differences as opportunities for growth, not conflict.
  • Graceful Communication: Approach discussions with love and understanding.
  • Collaborative Problem-Solving: Work together to find solutions, fostering unity and strengthening the bond.

What role does prayer play in a marriage according to What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp?

  • Pray Without Ceasing: Regular prayer fosters unity and connection with God and each other.
  • Reminds of Neediness: Acknowledging weaknesses through prayer encourages humility and dependence on God.
  • Aligns with God's Will: Seeking God's guidance ensures actions align with His purposes, helping navigate challenges.

评论

4.32 满分 5
平均评分来自 4k+ 来自Goodreads和亚马逊的评分.

《你期待什么?》因其圣经视角的婚姻观而备受赞誉,强调了恩典、宽恕和以神为中心的崇拜。读者们欣赏特里普对婚姻挑战的现实描绘以及他对个人责任的关注。有些人觉得这本书内容重复且篇幅较长,而另一些人则认为它具有变革性。它被推荐给订婚的情侣以及那些希望改善婚姻的人。书中的核心信息是,婚姻问题往往源于自我中心,需要持续的努力、依靠神的恩典以及对个人成长的承诺。

Your rating:

关于作者

保罗·大卫·特里普是一位美国牧师、作家和演讲者,生于1950年。他曾在哥伦比亚圣经学院和改革宗主教神学院学习,培养了对事工和圣经辅导的热情。特里普在各种牧师职位上服务,包括教会植堂和辅导教育。2006年,他创立了保罗·特里普事工,专注于将基督的变革力量与日常生活联系起来。特里普是一位多产的作家,撰写了十二本关于基督徒生活的书籍。他与妻子卢埃拉及他们的四个孩子居住在费城。特里普的使命是帮助人们理解福音如何在破碎的世界中提供实际的希望。

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